Before my healing journey, I held beliefs I thought were simply reality. Here are 10 I no longer believe, and what I believe now.
One note first: I'm not "healed." No one is. As long as we're human, there is always something to learn or heal. That doesn't mean staying in pain. It means doing the inner work, moving forward, and knowing there's always room to grow. Be careful with anyone who claims to be completely healed.
1. Family is everything
Before: Loyalty to my family came first. My life revolved around them, and I never asked how they treated me. I couldn't see how dysfunctional and codependent it was. (Codependent No More helped open my eyes.)
Now: Family is people you share blood or history with. What matters is the relationship. If it isn't healthy, you don't have to keep trying. And family can also be the people you choose, the ones who give back. You won't be alone.
2. The problem is everyone else
Before: I kept asking what was wrong with everyone and how to fix them.
Now: I take responsibility for myself. If you grew up in dysfunction, you aren't immune to it. Accepting that is hard, but it's where change starts. My first long-term therapist modeled this: whatever I brought in, she turned back to me. What do I need? What am I allowing?
3. I'm responsible for everyone's emotions
Before: I mediated, organized and tried to save everyone. A diary from when I was a little girl shows I felt this even then.
Now: That's people pleasing, and it isn't healthy. You can only support others well from a healthy place. I take care of myself, keep boundaries, and care about people without carrying their lives. This one took me the longest.
4. People are who they seem to be
Before: I took people at face value.
Now: Some people act one way and are another. I learned this only recently, after missing red flags I didn't trust myself to see. Now I trust what I see, skip the drama, and move forward, family or not.
5. I have to trust everyone
Before: Betrayal was a pattern in my life, and I kept trusting people no matter how they acted.
Now: Trust is earned in steps. My second therapist's advice: start with 10%, and add more as people show up well. Some people get 100%, some get 50%. The pattern may not stop, but my response to it has.
6. Healing makes problems disappear
Before: I thought healing meant no more betrayal and nothing bad ever happening. A lot of coaching marketing sells that fairy tale.
Now: Life keeps happening. People we love will pass away. Healing shows up in how I respond, and in being able to feel good inside no matter what's around me. Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning shows that this is possible even in the worst conditions.
7. I'm the only one with these problems
Before: I was so embarrassed to read Codependent No More that I covered it with a paper bag. My family was supposed to be perfect, so I felt alone.
Now: Dysfunctional families and generational patterns are common. Almost everyone carries a childhood wound, big or small. What I went through is part of the human experience, and it doesn't decide who you can become.
8. There's one simple fix
Before: Every new thing felt like the answer. At one point I thought it was food.
Now: We're layered: body, mind, thoughts, energy. Real change means working on each layer. Healing is holistic, and that's how I work with clients in my coaching.
9. Healing and manifestation will make my life perfect
Before: I believed the online promise of a perfect life.
Now: If someone sells you a perfect life, treat it as a red flag. Earth isn't built for perfection, but it isn't meant for suffering either. Inner work moves you from living unconsciously to living consciously. I believe in the universal laws, and we're still human, with both dark and light. The goal is to move through life well, not perfectly.
10. Something is wrong with me
Before: I thought I was born defective and wondered why I couldn't just have a regular life.
Now: I was born into a system that was already struggling. Seeing generational trauma and childhood wounds took the blame off me. Then, as an adult, I took responsibility for the patterns I carried, with compassion for myself.
What connects all 10
At the core, each shift was about waking up to a reality I'd been blind to. That's hard. Watching the picture you believed in fall apart is one of the hardest parts of healing. It's also what let me move forward.
Healing isn't about a perfect life. It's about knowing who you are and making decisions from there. If you grew up in a closed system, that part can be fun: finding out what you like, what you want, and how you want to spend your life. That's the little bit of magic behind the name The Unicorn Shift.
Treat your life as an experiment. Try things, keep what works, and stop carrying what was never yours to carry.
Which of these do you relate to? Share it in the comments. I read every one.
