Nervous system work often says: there's no tiger, you're safe, your body just doesn't know it yet. That's true for many people. But sometimes the tiger is real, and calming tools alone won't fix that.
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The tiger, in simple terms
Our primitive brain, inherited from our caveman ancestors, scans for danger. When it spots a tiger, the nervous system fires so we can survive. In somatic and nervous system work, we use this image to come back to the present and remind the body there's no tiger here.
But where you are changes what you need. Here are three situations.
Situation 1: The child, where the tigers are real
A child grows up in a dysfunctional family: mental health issues, addiction, emotionally immature parents. That child depends on adults for food, care and shelter. When those adults aren't safe, the threats are real: psychological, emotional, physical. These aren't caveman tigers. They're in the house.
Situation 2: The adult who brings the tigers along
That child grows up still carrying the pattern, often without realizing it was dysfunctional. Without meaning to, they build an adult life that repeats it. The tigers are still real, today.
This is why I don't want anyone using nervous system tools to tell themselves there's no tiger when there actually is one.
Situation 3: Safe on the outside, patterns on the inside
This person has started healing. They've built awareness, made changes, and taken their power back as an adult. Their environment is now safe.
But the childhood patterns are still inside. So even in a safe place, they repeat them, sometimes pulling others in to recreate the familiar chaos.
This person has real potential, because the outer space is already safe. Now the work is inside, and it takes two things:
Accepting that these patterns live in you because you came from a dysfunctional system.
Knowing you can change them.
The person in Situation 2 can get here too. First comes a safe environment, then the inner work.
The right support for where you are
Real tigers in your life now (Situation 2): work with professionals: social workers, counselors, psychologists, therapeutic settings. Deep patterns in unsafe environments need that level of support.
Safe life, but your body still reacts like the tiger is there (Situation 3): this is where coaching fits, and where I work. It's also the situation people actually mean when they talk about the tiger.
Everyone can move through a hard situation, but it takes a process. Coaching isn't the right tool when someone is in real distress with a real tiger.
Where are you?
Is something in my life actually threatening me right now?
Or is my environment safe, and the alarm is coming from inside?
What support fits where I am today?
Bring your answers to your coach or counselor. Knowing where you are is how you get the results you need.
Ready to stop reacting and start responding?
The Unbothered Woman Bundle is a 3-month, 1:1 journey with me. We work on the patterns you grew up with, so they stop running your life and you can live from steady self-trust.
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With love,
Zulma · The Unicorn Shift
